Learning How to Wait for Change
By Quintel Freeman-Allen
 It is a hard task ‘to wait’. It is difficult to wait until friends decide to make better choices in their lives that will end their path of cyclical destructive behavior or to wait for them to meet their soul mate and be blessed with the relationship that they so earnestly yearn to have. It’s hard to wait for family to begin to heal and address painful secrets and mistakes. It is simply hard to be in a state of waiting to allow people to endure their own choices or circumstances. It is difficult to wait for children to grow into emotional maturity and responsibility while blossoming into adulthood or to wait and observe the pain and agony of parents aging or deteriorating from disease. It is hard to wait and watch parents move into the final stages of life or spouses to reconcile childhood ills. It is very hard to wait for change and watch it.
It is hard to watch for the changing of the seasons, expectant of the new things to come but aching from the loss of the old. Still, waiting and allowing change is necessary and inevitable. In my own life, I am discovering the truth in this testament.
Like many African-American women, I was taught to be a strong tenacious woman. I was raised to be able to cook,clean, sew, manage finances, obtain an education, think critically and be ambitious about my career. I was raised to know that girls should be coy, sweet and alluring and that companionship was important but not necessary. I was taught that I should be able to take care of myself and establish my own household. I have traveled throughout the US and overseas in pursuit of the next degree, the next job, the next relationship, or the next adventurous experience, unfortunately without ever really internalizing the need for a change in this living. New scenery and work environments, different living arrangements and responsibilities, even a new love were steady in my life. Embracing constant movement, I had been accustomed to initiating and accepting life changes, but I would never fully understand change until I had to stay still and wait on the Creator.
After the birth of my daughter, I found myself in a euphoric mental state. I was blissfully willing to drop from my one and half jobs to a one-year temporary part time status to spend time nurturing and loving her. I started by cutting back on spending and acquiring things, a task that seemed aligned with reaching more meaningful living. The overwhelming feeling to connect more deeply with my new family and disconnect from worldly pursuits charged these changes. My hard edges were softened by the charm of my daughter’s gurgling and the enveloping fatherly jibs of my husband. My heart pressed with the desire to only surround myself with positive energy and positive people. I found myself making less time for friendship tiffs, family drama or polite incivilities. My priorities had changed and the Creator had given me the blessing of motherhood.
In the past, I’d pursued friendships and bonds taking on the role of the initiator and savior. But now I wait. I wait on true friends to reach out for a helping hand or provide a lending one. I wait in charity. I watch for growing friends to see past my flawed exterior and support me in spite of it. I wait poised for action. I wait on learnt friends who value genuine friendship that transcends births, deaths, sickness, marriages and jobs. I wait in prayer and meditation.
In my extended family, I’d become the rising matriarch---sorting out disagreements, setting expectations and bringing family together. But I have learned to wait. I wait on family to take responsibility for their lives while still providing compassion. I wait with empathy. I wait on siblings to realize their potential by giving them an encouraging word and information. I wait with patience. I wait on the peaceful eternal slumber of elders who will no longer suffer physical infirmities or feel the loss of their mate. I wait on the balance of spirit. I wait. I wait on the voice of the Creator to guide me to the next decision of when to move, how to move and what move to make. I wait in devotion.
"Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."
—John F. Kennedy
Click here to read more about Ms. Freeman-Allen...
Click here to comment on this article |
